Andrea
Andrea was an amazing lady with friends of all ages, who was always so welcoming.
She studied psychology and was fascinated by many things; including death and what happens when someone passes. She planned to do her dissertation on something relating to this, but sadly she did not get a chance to complete it.
She spent many hours in her study, learning about why people think in certain ways and analysing their motives and actions. She had words of wisdom for everyone and there was always a reason behind why she thought or believed in certain things.
Andrea was German but moved to Brighton in her thirties and loved the city. She grew up in Germany with her mum, dad and younger brother Markus.
Andrea dearly loved – and was so proud – of her son Fin, my partner, and they had an incredible bond.
She adored her cats, Tiddy, Coco and Lily and was forever sending me and Fin pictures of them, showing us what they were up to. She loved my cat Raven too and would feed her treats to get her to like her.
Another keen interest of Andrea’s was being outside and going on walks. She also spent many hours in the gym. One of my favourite things to do with Andrea was to go on an evening walk together where we would talk about life.
Andrea was first diagnosed with epilepsy when Fin was a child of around ten or eleven. She was in and out of hospital and had seizures on and off. These stopped for several years whilst they were controlled by medication. However, when she died, we found out that she’d had a couple of seizures prior to her death and had not told us about them because she didn’t want to worry us. She’d had these seizures in the summer and at Christmastime in 2023 but kept them from us. It’s possible she could have had more seizures during this period.
On 10th June 2024, Fin and I returned from a run to be told that Andrea had sadly passed away. We were lost for words and so confused, because she had messaged me just a couple of hours earlier to ask if we would like to go for a walk with her at some point.
We were informed her death could have been due to a seizure, but we didn’t know for sure. It took quite a long time for the cause of death to be confirmed, which left us hurting. It was towards the end of July / early August when we found out the cause of death was SUDEP.
No one really talks about being in a relationship with someone who has lost their mother, whilst also grieving personally at the same time. I was grieving for myself and for Fin.
My advice to others is that grief looks different to different people. It’s okay to do things your way and at your own pace. In a situation like ours, communication is key and it’s important to regularly check in on one another.
My partner Fin has been truly amazing throughout, and he is such a strong, kind, caring man. I know his mum would be extremely proud of who he has become.
What has helped me get through this process is remembering the things I have learnt and putting them into practice in life. Andrea was such a positive person she would not want me to be sad every day.
I want more people to talk about SUDEP and I wish I’d known more about it before Andrea’s death. I was unaware of the causes of epilepsy, and I think more people need to have this knowledge.
On 25th May I will be walking up Snowdon in Wales to raise money for SUDEP Action. I am doing this walk to raise awareness of SUDEP and because Andrea loved walking so much. I want to make her proud by involving her interests and doing a good thing for a worthy cause at the same time.
Andrea, I love and miss you every day.
Ebony xx
